Christian Marriage – Adding a 1st Child
Each Christian family dynamic and process are different. God is active in each place and teaching us if we are open to it. Adding a 1st child is thrilling and bound to stretch the parents and their relationship. Can we let God into this?
I have talked about newly weds here.
Adding a 1st Child Needs Thought and Heart
Let’s talk about transition with first child. It is an amazing exciting time. Unforgettable. I totally recommend. Perhaps some thought. Have you heard that we tend to over parent the first child, mis-parent the second child, and under parent the third child? Try not to be too much with your first child. Each issue is not as important as it seems at the time.
Both parents come from unique family cultures. Giving birth brings out things that perhaps neither partner could see before. Women often face postpartum depression. Both have unnamed expectations of raising kids and what their partner should do.
Communication (a form of love) is key as usual and talking about this before childbirth is important. During also needed and be vulnerable.
Next step is what do you do when your expectations are not met. First, avoid seeing your actions as being good intentions while you see your partner as just making excuses. Both of you have some good reasons and, yes. some selfishness. Generally, if one person is upset first see and care for that upset. When you are upset, your spouse can first care for you is a good plan. It does not always work.
If you partner attacks, and you go silent or vice versa. You best read Created For Connection.
In every long term relationship there is some spring which means after a fight both after a time will start to come back though in different ways. Watch for this, and see your spouse. Grab any chance to overcome the last bit of trouble. Vulnerability is some of the best care. We all need understanding and not demands though some boundaries must occur at times.
With arrival of new child, the wife needs more practical support and much more emotional support. We men need to step up. The child needs both of you, and you need each other.
Adding a 1st Child Needs a Lot
Nursing, diaper changing, putting a child to bed, burping, buying things(costs), cleaning up, sickness, sleep cycle issues, and trying to understand new child are all extra issues on the table. Spouses will often disagree or need support on these issues. Not easy. Communicate more as able. Lack of sleep contributes to overall not easy emotions in family.
It is also a happy time. Babies sleep a lot. A new life in the family and anything the child does can often bring smiles and good pictures. We have no regrets doing this and having three. My kids are thinking to have more. Don’t forget that putting a child to sleep is a good time to pray for the child audibly and make it a habit as the children grow.
Might we also say here that comparing is a no no. Both your spouse and your child are uniquely made and precious in God’s sight- not accurately comparable. Only God can make such judgement.
I have not told you these things, so you can go nag your spouse. God loves us, and we can step up with His power and love. Keep learning what your spouse needs and keep growing,