What is Christian marriage? Funny question to ask in a blog post when so many books have been written. What does the Bible say about marriage? How is that relevant to us?
In Genesis 2:24, the Bible says,
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
God does not say this about my Mom and me or my wife and our kids. He says this about husband and wife. One flesh. Sex is just one issue. Oneness is as deep as our whole lives.
Psychologists say that children do best when parents are one in harmony. When my wife and I fight, it disturbs my kids. Oneness is critical and so difficult to achieve and maintain.
This guidance goes to women:
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.”
Let’s Unpack What is Christian Marriage
The husband will rule over the wife. Yikes, in fact most women lose themselves in the marriage in the first few years as they give too much. The war often starts there as the women did get under rule like it or not, but the man needed them to not lose themselves and yet caused it.
Our wives fight with us as they are so influenced by us and want connection. It is not easy for them. What does the Bible say to the husband?
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
We Really Need God Here
Love our wives as Christ loves the church. Love our wives as we love ourselves. Yikes, I would much rather just respect my wife. The Bible never tells me to respect my wife. I do it all the time though.
Oneness, sacrifice myself for her. That is the Kingdom.
Sacrifice often means doing something that makes me uncomfortable.
If my wife cares about or is worried about something. I tend to put up with it. In my heart it is still her thing. Of course, then, we are not one. If she cares about something, then that situation is important to me in God’s sight. That is love and oneness. See also Marriage is Hard Work and So Great.
I often feel I will spoil my wife if I care for her thinking because I often do not really care and may even disdain her thought. I need to spoil my wife from my perspective. It is because I love my perspective too much. I need to spoil her to love her like Christ. I need to see her and respond to her as Christ does with that kind of maturity. Then, she will naturally, over time, have this for me and maybe even some respect.
Summary On This Challenge
That is the short course on what is Christian marriage. Be sure that it is a lifetime challenge to love a woman like Christ loved the church. It is a huge challenge for women to wait for us to get it. They will be there when we are committed long term in that place. We men want to be in the initiative in the relationship, and this is our place. I needed 30 plus counseling sessions with my wife to get this much. There is so much in here to live out such a life. Fortunately, we are not alone as God always wants oneness.