Light and Love Are Stronger

Just as light drives out darkness, so love drives out fear. This is much easier to write than live out.

13 months ago, the darkness was winning in my heart. My business had been devastated by Covid -19, I felt bad that we were not connecting with the people around us. We were not spreading any light, and I could not figure out how to get there.

I was writing my prayers. They cried out for a path to bring light to the darkness. I was crying out for hope for my business. All prayers for years showed no signs of answer.  Finally, I could not bear writing and seeing all the unanswered pleas in my prayer. I stopped writing my prayers and prayed a lot less.

When Covid control ended in China in December 2022, I thought,”Yeah! Now business will come back!”  Instead the bottom fell out. We could not loan any more to our company. It seemed the end had come. I told our last worker to go find work as I could not pay,

Light and Love Are Stronger, But I Struggled

At this point, I applied for work at a Chinese college in our town. They accepted me, I felt bad and mad at God who did not answer any prayers.

Most American Christians trying to spread good news in China work at Chinese colleges teaching English. I was one of a few who had escaped that path. Seems, I had looked down on the English teachers without knowing it.

I felt devastated and mad at God. I knew I was wrong, but could not move emotionally.

Despite my heart, light and love are stronger. It is harder to bring it to life all the time even though God’s light and love are always with us.  Let’s seek out those who cast light and love when we are hard pressed to feel light and love. Let us not emotionally live alone. It was hard for me to get rid of my heavy heart even though I told people, and  they cared for me. I was in mourning for my business and career. Well, once I started teaching the business got better. Now business is booming. I feel better. We have planted seeds among the atheist students in this school year, and  God is showing his love in a softer way. Yet, He loved me fully as much last year when I was mad and bitter.

God help us all see light even in dark times. We can see now why God drove me to the students.  I could not have gone happily it seems. Thank you God that you loved me even when I was not seeing you well last year.