Did Covid-19 Get You Down?

Covid-19 has killed over 6 million people and ruined whole industries. as well as families. Lots of familes had it tons harder than our family.  Our family did pretty well at the start, but it got harder on my faith over time.  Did Covid-19 get you down?  For two years, due to Covid-19, our small business has been in trouble. 4 of us in the office pray every week together. At the start, no business but thankful that the business had so much in the bank. We felt we could survive, but 9 months later the money was near gone and still no breakthrough. That was a year ago.

A big project comes, and I/we feel God has come to save us, but the project does not work out due to no fault of our own. We remain in crisis. Every business lead we got, I felt God was here to save us. However, leads rise and crash and come to little.    The fall and disappointment after several times left me/us devastated.

And still the crisis continues. Everyone graciously accepted half pay. I am the owner/salesman for the company. I felt responsible and wonder what I have done wrong.  The weekly times to pray as an office got harder. We pray the same things every week for nearly 2 years (100 weekly prayer times!), and prayer feels broken or no use.

But now it seems market is getting better, but I cannot smile. None of us can smile.  I am having trouble praying about business. It is like I lost trust in God.

Did Covid-19 Get You Down? It Got Me Down

I cannot say thanks. We are still at half salaries.  Things are not smooth. We cannot bear problems as cash flow is too tight. Normal business problems are bigger impact at the bottom.

One of the workers could not bear the process and left as it made her feel too terrible. I feel I failed her.

Business coming back slowly makes me feel it was not my fault after all.

However, the issue is something is broken in me. I have trouble to pray about business as 2 years of no happy result in prayer wore us out. We did everything we could to depend on God and give the business to him, and the result was trouble.

In the Bible, God gives Abraham a promise of a long awaited heir/son. God makes him rich, but no son and they grow older and older. After 7 years they get a son by Sarah’s slave. It was a mess.  12 more years later God shows up, and they laugh, but they get a child at a total of 20 years.

I just suffered 2 years. Abraham suffered 20. I have trouble praying about my business because of 2 years. How would Abraham be? Sarah laughed. I cannot imagine what Abraham felt. I would think Abraham had some trauma and then God asked him to kill the child. Abraham deserves to be called the father of faith.

Let’s Find a Way To Look Up

Maybe writing this blog will make me more able to pray for the business again. Maybe, we will not dread praying together and be able to say thanks.  We are complicated. God made us deep and complicated actually. We in the business and my dear wife are all not feeling easy.  How could Sarah get comfort from Abraham? Really, those two were amazing, and I will never look down on them again.

Today, I could reach out to you to consider who we are as deeply fragile children of our God. Somehow, writing this helped me. We have understandable gaps when we cannot get what we want. Let’s not deny it, but seek to talk it through with our brothers and sisters as able.